Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Every Time Is The "Such" Time

Esther 4:14b
And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?

Esther was an amazing woman. She went from being a somewhat "normal" girl to a queen. And God put her there to help Him save the whole Jewish nation! She questioned Him. She felt inadequate. She was scared and unsure. Yet she obeyed.

Can you imagine how she felt when she became queen? Waited on hand and foot. Anything at her bidding. But, I bet she got really bored!

I am at such a time as this now...I am bored.

For the past 14 years, I have been a mom. When Connor was born, I threw myself into him. We would play on the floor with tractors all day or read a pile of books or go on some outing. He was my focus. Then Colby came along and I started all over again.

My boys are at a pretty independent age now. They don't want to play tractors anymore or snuggle on the couch with a pile of books. There are some mornings when I am turning the channel on the TV and I pass Blue's Clues or Thomas the Tank and I get verclempt!

Don't get me wrong, I am always ready for school to start! But, I do wish that I had appreciated those toddler years a bit more. (As I was rereading that previous statement, it occurred to me that is true of every stage of life and I need to appreciate the right now also.)

My husband has fully supported my being a stay-at-home mom and, I feel, has given me the honorary title of "Queen". He has never made me feel like I need to get a job or put me on any sort of "allowance". He never tells me that he is unsatisfied with how the house looks, or laundry feels, or meals taste. But, he knows that I am antsy. He has suggested that I find something -- job or volunteer -- that gets me out among the people. The interesting thing is that I have booked my calendar with Bible Studies, prayer groups, and volunteering at school. Finding time to clean my house, do the laundry or even blog is getting harder as the school year progresses. However, I am still antsy.

I am a couple of years (oh, OK, one year) from turning 40. And, I guess some days I wonder what I am going to be when I grow up! It's a little silly because I know that my calling was and is to be a wife and mom and I wouldn't change that for the world. But at some time the mom role is going to change. And I need to be ready for such a time as this when that happens.

This is one of the two blogs I wrote yesterday and felt needed lots of "tweaking". Maybe I was in a "Woe is Me" moment -- I definitely wasn't bored yesterday. I ran all day long. Today I needed to make a doctors appointment for Connor and while looking at my calendar, I was amazed at how full the next two weeks are.

I do think my main problem is that I need a challenge. Having babies was challenging. Raising toddlers was challenging! Moving nine times in 11 years was challenging. I just hope I can find that challenge before I build a whole ant colony from my antsy-ness!!

I took Beth Moore's "Esther" Bible Study -- which I highly recommend -- last year. Beth believes the main theme of Esther is: "What God can do when we resolve to obey and if I perish, I perish." Maybe what I need to do is be still and listen. Then I need to obey. And if I perish from God's challenge, then I perish. Esther didn't perish; she flourished and saved a nation. Yes, I need to get ready for my next "such" time.

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